Bullies, Mean Girls, and Me

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Blog

My dear daughter had her first experience with mean girls the other day. It had me feeling sick to my stomach as I was forced to remembered my days of being bullied and dealing with mean girls. I tried to remain calm, but every inch of me wanted to jump up and scream "I'll fight them for you baby girl", but let’s face it, me as a 30 year old mom beating up a couple of 6 year old girls is not realistic. Then there was the fact that if I took it personally she'd take it personally.

We talked over what happened in more detail, what does "they were mean to me" actually look like. We also talked about ugliness in actions being a heart problem, something inside of them that was ugly and that it had nothing to do with her. I wanted to emphasize the point that a few mean girls doesn't mean the M is worth anything less than when she walked in that day. We talked over some of her options, and the pros and cons of those choices. At one point M asked me if she had permission to be mean back to them. I tried not to cringe at her question and calmly discuss the pros and cons of that choice just as we had for her other choices. Ultimately she decided that would not be a good choice.

Noodlehead

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

With the announcement of the closing of our company I thought I'd share a bit of my side of the Noodlehead story. This is a letter I wrote about two years ago and is addressed to myself when I was working with Jason and Noodlehead Studios.

Dear Caitlyn,
I know how you are feeling right now, worn out, exhausted, overwhelmed and utterly alone holding up a dream that isn't fully yours and that you can't completely commit to because of the resentment and bitterness growing daily toward the beast that is Noodlehead Studios. You feel unable to express your frustration for many reasons one being that you pushed Jason so hard to follow this dream that you feel his abandonment of you was all forseeable and your own blind fault. You feel strangled by his struggles and try to carry them as well as your own hoping that if you can lift just enough off of his plate he'll look up and realize you are standing right there.

Joshua or Judah

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

I know many of our family and friends are curious as to why, after calling this baby Joshua for my whole pregnancy, we named him Judah after he was born. Here is the journey God took me on and why his name was changed.

The hills and the valleys - A lesson in faith through the storm

Isaiah 49:15 NLT

"“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!"

When I married my husband and took on his last name, which means “hills and valleys” I didn’t fully realize about the hills and valleys in the life I was going to live. This lesson started long before I realized what I was learning so I wont start at the beginning I’ll start where I first realized God was doing a work in my life. It was August 25th 2012. I was pregnant with our 3rd child and quite excited about it. After two normal and healthy pregnancies I assumed this one would go exactly like the others, after all I was young and healthy, why wouldn’t it go well?

More than a gift

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

Undeserved Grace - a lesson in forgiveness

Ephesians 1:7, In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace

As you'll read from the stories of the past two years of my life God has been hard at work. This story is one that actually began several years ago. I had been married for just over a year, and somehow the honeymoon phase had skipped over us. I was miserable and lonely with no one to share what I was feeling with. You see I couldn't tell my family because that would be to admit that I may have been wrong in getting married so young and I didn't want to hear the "I told you so's" or get the unwanted divorce advice I was sure would come. Mostly I didn't want to admit I had gotten in over my head and bitten off my than I could chew after I had spent most of my teen years trying to prove I was not like my family and that I didn't need them.    

Broken Wings

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Fiction Writing

Scheduled Date of Second Draft Completion: April 2009
Started: January 2009
Status: Currently under literary review
Inspiration: High School
Dedications: None yet

How exactly do you survive public humiliation in high school? I’m sure it can be done but at the moment I wasn’t so sure I was going to make it through this episode. Someone else would inevitably do something worse and my public break-up with Heath would be forgotten, right?
I clutched the steering wheel a little tighter, I wasn’t sure if anyone could ever forget the humiliation I had just suffered. I probably didn’t help it at all by storming out of the school and pealing out of the parking lot being chased by the Spanish teacher who happened to be on parking lot duty today.

I was so mad at him. He had the nerve to break my heart in the middle of the cafeteria, I wanted to make him suffer. I wanted him to be just as humiliated as I was. So of course I pointed out all his short comings and I’m the one who looked like the raving lunatic and that cheating bastard walked out of there with more dignity than I did. It just didn’t seem fair. He could sleep with my best friend and than tell me in the middle of the lunch hour and walk out looking like the bigger person. Well at that moment I wasn’t the bigger person.

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