Bullies, Mean Girls, and Me

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Blog

My dear daughter had her first experience with mean girls the other day. It had me feeling sick to my stomach as I was forced to remembered my days of being bullied and dealing with mean girls. I tried to remain calm, but every inch of me wanted to jump up and scream "I'll fight them for you baby girl", but let’s face it, me as a 30 year old mom beating up a couple of 6 year old girls is not realistic. Then there was the fact that if I took it personally she'd take it personally.

We talked over what happened in more detail, what does "they were mean to me" actually look like. We also talked about ugliness in actions being a heart problem, something inside of them that was ugly and that it had nothing to do with her. I wanted to emphasize the point that a few mean girls doesn't mean the M is worth anything less than when she walked in that day. We talked over some of her options, and the pros and cons of those choices. At one point M asked me if she had permission to be mean back to them. I tried not to cringe at her question and calmly discuss the pros and cons of that choice just as we had for her other choices. Ultimately she decided that would not be a good choice.

Noodlehead

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

With the announcement of the closing of our company I thought I'd share a bit of my side of the Noodlehead story. This is a letter I wrote about two years ago and is addressed to myself when I was working with Jason and Noodlehead Studios.

Dear Caitlyn,
I know how you are feeling right now, worn out, exhausted, overwhelmed and utterly alone holding up a dream that isn't fully yours and that you can't completely commit to because of the resentment and bitterness growing daily toward the beast that is Noodlehead Studios. You feel unable to express your frustration for many reasons one being that you pushed Jason so hard to follow this dream that you feel his abandonment of you was all forseeable and your own blind fault. You feel strangled by his struggles and try to carry them as well as your own hoping that if you can lift just enough off of his plate he'll look up and realize you are standing right there.

What is in a name?

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

In Her Dust, it's an odd name for a blog such as this I'll give you that. The name comes from a big part of my life journey, a ride I'm still on. I'll share a letter I wrote 2 years ago, it is addressed to myself at ages 4-6. The letter will explain the name.

Precious Child,
I wish I could say that you get to know mom, that one day she sits down across the table from you and looks at you, really looks at without any filters on her eyes or masks on her face, but as of yet it hasn't happened. You will feel left behind on many occasions as she seeks to escape her reality and the world she has trapped herself in. There will be times you are left standing in a cloud of dust wondering what you did to make her retreat or run away; it isn't you. The egg shells you walk on are hers don't let them become yours, don't let the scars on your feet cripple you for life. Rise above the need to see her, the need to feel her real love and pray for her.

Joshua or Judah

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

I know many of our family and friends are curious as to why, after calling this baby Joshua for my whole pregnancy, we named him Judah after he was born. Here is the journey God took me on and why his name was changed.

The hills and the valleys - A lesson in faith through the storm

Isaiah 49:15 NLT

"“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!"

When I married my husband and took on his last name, which means “hills and valleys” I didn’t fully realize about the hills and valleys in the life I was going to live. This lesson started long before I realized what I was learning so I wont start at the beginning I’ll start where I first realized God was doing a work in my life. It was August 25th 2012. I was pregnant with our 3rd child and quite excited about it. After two normal and healthy pregnancies I assumed this one would go exactly like the others, after all I was young and healthy, why wouldn’t it go well?

More than a gift

Written by Caitlyn Montoya. Posted in Journal

Undeserved Grace - a lesson in forgiveness

Ephesians 1:7, In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace

As you'll read from the stories of the past two years of my life God has been hard at work. This story is one that actually began several years ago. I had been married for just over a year, and somehow the honeymoon phase had skipped over us. I was miserable and lonely with no one to share what I was feeling with. You see I couldn't tell my family because that would be to admit that I may have been wrong in getting married so young and I didn't want to hear the "I told you so's" or get the unwanted divorce advice I was sure would come. Mostly I didn't want to admit I had gotten in over my head and bitten off my than I could chew after I had spent most of my teen years trying to prove I was not like my family and that I didn't need them.